Since that last drink back on the 22nd of February 2015 something has been missing, obviously alcohol was a huge part of my life so that was to be expected, But it felt deep, it felt like loosing a close friend of many years, a friend i could turn to no matter what the situation, I'd drank solidly for 15 years, taking that away and knowing I won't ever be going back was emotional & scary and left me feeling empty & confused even though it was 100% the right thing to do!
Those feelings are getting easier with every day that passes but I still feel this strong urge of missing something, My Coke and soft drink intake has increased since stopping, i guess as a alternative to make the transition easier at least I thought, but over the past week I have started drinking stronger caffeinated drinks I've never enjoyed coffee and hardly ever drank it, but for some reason one day last week I grabbed one out of the deli fridge when i was getting my lunch and since then i can't seem to get enough of them, it isn't the taste I am craving it is the mild caffeine hit I am getting,
Is this my mind compensating for the alcohol? is it a wise to keep drinking these or am I heading in a dangerous direction? one part of me is saying just to go with it, it's just coffee, another is saying will I want to graduate from this like I did from coke? where will it end? what is it I am chasing?
One thing is for sure, I am aware of it and I am going to be bringing it up in my next AA meeting.
Success built from failure,
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